I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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