I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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