Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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