I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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