did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
