I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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