shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
