True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
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