don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Drunk is a universal language darling
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
