Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
