Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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