i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I forget how to act sober
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
