yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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