i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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