Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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