I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
