I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
