He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
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