Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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