some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Is her dick bigger than yours?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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