Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
