I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
