May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I need to calm my uterus...
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
