Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
You're like the curious george of whores
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Randomize