It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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