I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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