Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
You can't special order awesome
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
