Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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