Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
