There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
