i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
