Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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