Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
