I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
