I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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