i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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