PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
