I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
