I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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