i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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