My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
