Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Randomize