Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
