i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize