Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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