well you can't waste a boner
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
