Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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