I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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