Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
