I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
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Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
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I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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