Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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