you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
