please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I think my vagina is haunted
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
