Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
