it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
