I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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