So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
