just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
