We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You dont lie about slip and slides
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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