you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
