you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Randomize
