i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
