The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
