Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I think a kid would responsible me up
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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