i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
