i love accidental penises.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
