I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
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Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
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I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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