We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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