so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Randomize
