I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
