Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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