Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
