either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Your penis caused this!
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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