I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
