jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
