arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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