I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
