carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
