Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
