evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
